Being Nakedly Honest about Finstas

Instagram is a fake unrealistic entity, but I get a warm feeling inside when I can take control of my self-image and have an escape into the best version of myself. I love a nicely curated carousel of images. I love to show off the cool things that I’ve been up to. I love to craft an aesthetic collage on my feed. I will openly admit that I like the pressure, the rush, the frenzy when I post. The stakes and adrenaline are high but the reward in validation is even higher. Instagram is the most fraudulent form of media, and I love that. It's okay to want to feel good about yourself through the approval of others’ perceptions. Why do I need to be realistic for others’ viewing purposes? I agree that Instagram perpetuates this unrealistic culture where life is perfect and aesthetic, but why is that so bad? 

Is it wrong to want to look my best and feel my best when I usually don’t? Is it wrong to want to be perceived in a way in which I have control over? Not trying to go all Ready Player One, but I indulge in the escape from reality, the craft of my own world. In any way the cookie’s going to crumble, Instagram will never be authentic, and that's the beauty of it.

BUT, I do appreciate futile attempts to imbue a sense of realness or authenticity into social media. As a chronic oversharer, I have to regulate what I am posting for 1,000+ people to see. Time and place :/. For many, including myself, finstas have become a therapeutic space where we can express our feelings in either the most cryptic or explicit ways. Finstas are the self-obsessive, sugary, trashy, colorful parts of life with a splash of the uneasy thoughts we conjure in our mind. Photos don’t need to match, people don’t need to look good, and the constant posting shouldn’t bother anyone.

### After the whole Moongate scandal last year with the forged Moon Journals and all (iykyk), I became inspired to make my own finsta @moonjounal. I thought I was clever because it's a play on my name… until I realized I spelt journal as “jounal.”

a curation of my finsta

As much as we want to broadcast ourselves as unfiltered and authentic through our finstas, we still create a particular self-image, truly causing a paradox between authenticity and curation. I don’t really do much on the day-to-day: I go to school, sit in the library, crashout in my room, and three-way call my mom and my sister. And when something remotely interesting happens, I say, “that’s good content for moonjounal.” (unfortunately for me and the rest of the world, i am not a content creator) Even though in reality, I am not hanging out with my friends, traveling, or going out every day and night, I still try to convince myself and others that my life is so romantic and interesting, but I’m also funny, so look at this meme that I laughed at:

@k3ntrellswife

Although, I have created this persona on my finsta “DJ Pom Pom,” who I think is fun, always having a good time, and unserious, she’s not an authentic version of myself. I sometimes look at her and I get envious, but then I’m like “girl, that’s me.” She’s like my Tyler Durden, starring in my own self-destructive Fight Club. I fear that my  alter ego causes a tension between the performative and unfiltered. There is a spectrum of how much I want to reveal about myself, even with people I deem close to me. In this supposedly “private” space, I don’t think I come off as authentic or real, but to others this is the ultimate form of media intimacy. And anyone who gets to see my secret little space, should deem themselves lucky, for this is the closest they can view me. Finstas are a space where people can be “real” enough in front of a less judgmental and smaller crowd. The only parts of a finsta that should be censored are the sad, boring, lonely, moments. We have to remember that even in this niche space, no one gives a FUCK if you are sad. Nobody honestly cares if you just got heartbroken, you’re feeling sick, or if you find a flower really pretty. Or at least I don’t.  I may be pessimistic and cynical, but I am honest. I want to see something fun, a secret, something I am not going to find anywhere else when I look at a finsta. Give me deep look into what people are up to, what they find funny, what CRAZY things they have in store. A raunchy, intimate, dirty lifestyle that everyone lusts after.

Social media is never going to be candid, so at least entertain me with something real enough.

Here’s a song that sums up how I view finstas:

Nara Smith and the Return to Conservatism

Although many were shocked and disappointed by the election of Donald J. Trump to be the 47th President of The United States, this win might’ve been written on the walls— the walls of TikTok that is. 

As TikTok begins to further influence the cultural zeitgeist, the mapping of fashion and wellness from the years before the election could have signaled trouble for the democratic campaign much earlier than November 5th.

The arguably most popular TikTok trend of this year has been the fashion and lifestyle of tradwives (short for traditional wives), popularized mostly by model and homemaker, Nara Smith.

When Nara Smith– and by extension, her husband Lucky Blue Smith– entered the TikTok sphere, many including myself were enamored by the simultaneous glitz and down to earth quality she portrayed in her videos, most of them in which she makes food “from scratch” for her children and husband while donning thousand dollar gowns and accessories. But after the shocking results of the 2024 election and somewhat less shocking but equally concerning exit poll data, I fear that political analysts and the general population alike, while absorbed in the mania that was Kamala HQ and Brat summer, ignored a key factor in predicting how young people, specifically Gen Z, would vote: the rising popularity of Nara Smith, traditionalist fashion trends, and therefore the rising popularity of conservative values.

On the surface, there is nothing wrong with the slick backs, Ralph Lauren sweaters, and little lady jackets that have resurfaced in the closets of young people in America. What is concerning, however, are the hyper feminine ideals that hide in the pockets and zip closures of this type of dress. 

In a TikTok from Elysia Berman, she says, “These hyper- feminine ideals— a lot of it is about conformity.” Berman also comments on the loss of individuality when it comes to self expression through personal style, calling it “an act of resistance” to simply exist in a context that favors the traditional image of what a woman is and how she should present herself in the world. 

Within the style microtrends “coquette,” “old money,” and “quiet luxury,” there is a story that wants to be told, and the same goes for general trends seen in magazines and runway shows. It is up to the person wearing the clothes to say whether that story is one depicting resistance, one of personal evolution, or one that says you’re simply too exhausted to pick an outfit. 

Looking at the face of this fashion “movement”, the only issue with Nara Smith’s content is the unrealistic “quiet luxury” lifestyle that she sells to unknowing viewers. It’s the facade of a perfect household in which housework and domestic labor don’t affect her, the children wait hours for a bowl of cereal, and her husband is simply happy to be there, but underneath this picture that she paints is the full belief in the values and structures stitched into the fabric of her Gucci gown. This is the very reason that fashion is, and has always been, political.

Quinceañera: her passage from girlhood to womanhood

The University’s MECHA de UChicago organization hosted a scholarship fundraiser on April 12, raising money for a scholarship open to local youth. I attended the event, of course, volunteering to photograph; but, little did I know that this would be one of the best cultural experiences of my life. In collaboration with the board’s secretary, Luz Maria Montel, we at MODA Digital have decided to share with you the deep cultural history and significance of the Quinceañera.

A Quinceañera marks the transition from childhood to young womanhood in many Latin American countries. A tradition deeply rooted in history, it becomes a symbolic rite of passage into this new realm of experience. The celebration generally includes a religious ceremony followed by a party full of music, dance, and food. The specifics of a quinceañera vary depending on the culture and traditions of each Latin American country.

The roots of a Quinceañera can be traced back to ancient Mesoamerican civilizations like the Mixes or the Mayans. Rituals would be performed to mark the passage from childhood to adulthood however, these two celebrations now look quite different. With the introduction of the Catholic Church during the Spanish Inquisition, the customs began changing into the modern quinceañera we see now. 

Typically held on a girl’s 15th birthday, the Quinceañera is a big event, sometimes taking up to a year to plan. Various elements represent this transition in life. 

MECHA se UChicago member, Daniela Rivera, as the celebrant herself.

The Quinceañera gown, often very extravagant and adorned with detailing, symbolizes the newfound maturity in the young woman. Traditionally, the dress is a ball-gown style, with soft colors, however, modern dresses can be very different from one another. 

Board members Jocelyn Ruiz and Arlet Perez place a tiara on the celebrant.

The tiara symbolizes the new responsibilities a young girl will have entering adulthood. This is presented to her by her parents.

The dance with the doll is a special moment that represents a Quinceañera’s transition into adulthood. With this, she leaves behind her toys to take on new roles,  new interests in adult life, become independent, and assume responsibility.

A baile de billete, also known as a 'dollar dance', is a popular feature in a quinceañera, where the quinceañera will accept dances from guests in exchange for a dollar pinned to her dress.

The Quinceañera has a dance with her Chambelan de Honor, fellow board member Juan Carlos Rodrigues II.

The quinceañera is accompanied by the court of honor throughout the night, consisting of her closest friends and relatives. Traditionally, the honor court would only be male friends and family members called chambelanes, however, modern quince’s incorporate women, called ‘damas’, as well. 

The highlight for the night is the dance done by the quinceañera and her honor court, el vals. This dance is choreographed and, although it can be any song, some have gotten more recognition in modern quinceañeras; Tiempo de Vals by Cheyenne and El Vals de las Mariposas by Danny Daniel. 

Many of these traditions may vary depending on the country of Origin. In Mexico, another tradition is added; “La Ultima Muñeca” which means the last doll, ultimately expressing this transition of being a young woman. The celebration is also filled with traditional Mexican music, whether it is a mariachi or a banda. In Ecuador, the dress was historically pink and the celebration was known as “La Fiesta Rosa”. In Peru, only one chambelan accompanies the quinceañera at night. 

The celebration ends with dancing and everyone having fun. Many times, the quinceañera is a group effort in which the whole family will aid in the planning or throughout the quinceañera’s night, expressing the close familial relationships the young woman can lean on while entering adulthood. 

All images are courtesy of the author

Man Made Horrors Beyond My Comprehension: The Apple Vision Pro

21.2 ounces, $3500, 256 gigabytes. Meet the Apple Vision Pro, a state of the art augmented reality device tailored to your every need. Seemingly straight from a sci-fi film, you simply don the headset and wave your hands to access immersive photos, play games, and escape within virtual landscapes. Its possibilities feel endless (much like the price tag)! In an age where technology has advanced to allow us such commodities, what isn’t there to love?

Image via

Well, the utopia-white goggles feel quite the opposite. The generous folks at Apple offer free in-store demonstrations of the device, and after taking a spin myself I must say it was the most beautiful nightmare I’ve ever had. Indubitably impeccable, I found myself far from the Chicago store on Michigan Avenue and on a 30 minute joyride through cyberspace. Following the experience I found myself within a state of reflection, squinting at the sunlight as I readjusted to the real world. I wonder, in the wake of perpetual threats made to creativity, AI creations, the looming dread of assured destruction in a world war through man-made weapons, and now the Apple Vision Pro— when is development in a field enough? While there are undoubtedly benefits to the product, I feel as though they were overshot in the interest of filling the space up with more features, and this presents a new future fear: that of film.

Towards the end of the demonstration I was shown a trailer for The Super Mario Bros. Movie. The characters danced across the screen of my personal theater, precisely where my cinephiliac dread broke through the immersion. Let’s take a step back to a time when movies primarily belonged to the big screen. There was something about the theatrical experience that beat an at-home watch, from the proper showcase of filmmaking to warm popcorn and a cold drink. Of course, COVID put a dent on things. With mass lockdowns movies faced delays, cancellations, and people began to switch to streaming. A prime example of this necessary adaptability came in the Summer of 2021 with the Fear Street trilogy: “after initially being intended for a unique three-month theatrical rollout, Fear Street’s release on Netflix essentially amounts to a three-week streaming event for a trio of feature-length films made on a major studio budget” (Surrey). A complex tradeoff was present, where the films still saw the light of day though on a smaller scale than originally intended in semi-isolation.

Image via

Following the decline of the pandemic and return to “normality,” Nope arrived in theaters with a technical twist: “Nope marked the first time the Imax format had been used for the horror genre, and Markoe says Peele understood how to use it creatively” (Tangcay). Here, development worked hand in hand with creative intent, resulting in the show stopping spectacle the film had intended to be for its audience. Yet 2 years later it seems as though the sentiment has regressed with the Apple Vision Pro. Impressive as it is, the film screening feature is a direct attack on the theatrical experience. Its convenience and experience render a trip to the cinema useless. The creativity involved in the Imax shooting of Nope would be for nothing if the theater didn’t have an audience. With that, what does the future of filmmaking and consumption look like?

Image via

Return to the dystopian nightmare. While nothing is for certain past the present and the product’s price tag may prevent it becoming a common commodity, the possibility for such a case is present. Would it result in another hit on the theater business? Could it sustain such a hit only a few years after COVID? Will the theatrical experience be lost to time? Is the future of filmmaking for a smaller screen than ever before?

Cover image via

What to Expect at MODA Blooms 2024

As spring approaches, we have a lot to look forward to— sun, short sleeves, and of course, the Spring 2024 Fashion Show! This past weekend, we sat down with the MODA Board Presidents Chelsea Campbell and Joao Galafassi and Design Director William Hu to discuss the show and the process in a little bit more detail. So, sit back, relax, and read more about the process and what to expect at this year’s fashion show!

What will be different about the show this year? What should we expect?

W: We tried to focus on the experience of actually being in the space. One thing to keep an eye out for is the music, for sure— each song is tailored to the design it’s playing over so it matches the aesthetics. It's going to be a lot more performative, with things like interludes, build-ups, introductions, so definitely expect a lot of different kinds of music.

On top of that, we’ve also worked really hard on the audio/visuals. There’s going to be a projector displaying live, real-time audio-reactive generative works of art on TouchDesigner.

That sounds so cool! Are those all going to be student-curated and produced?

W: Yes! All of the music will be curated by Otis and I. We worked really hard on the setlist and mixing, and all of the audio/visuals are by me.

Audio-visual by William Hu

What’s the significance of the theme, MODA Bloom?

C: Oh, good question! I know at first we threw around the word “rebirth”, or the idea of blooming into a new season or chapter to keep consistent with the idea of spring.

J: Yeah. Because last year’s show was in the winter and this year we decided to move it back to the spring, we wanted the theme to reflect the shift to warmer weather and all the changes that come with it. At UChicago it’s not just a seasonal change— you can also definitely feel a collective change in mood and vibe across campus when the weather starts to shift. We definitely wanted to integrate that spirit, the idea of a renewed energy, into the theme.

C: It also relates to having a completely new Board this year as well, so a rebirth in that sense too.

J: Yeah, it’s a completely new Board, and MODA has done a lot of new things this year like the Magazine launch party— we’ve been trying to make ourselves more involved on campus in different ways. We’ve brought in speakers and collaborated with a non-profit called the Chicago Fashion Coalition. We have a lot of new exciting initiatives and I think that we felt MODA Bloom encapsulated that nicely.

via giphy

What has been the most fun or challenging part of the whole process?

J: A fun part is seeing the wedding between the creative elements of the show and the logistical headache that happens. Seeing it all come together, especially on the day of the show, will be really cool. I think this year we have let a lot of our organizers in marketing and design be more creative and less professional almost— we’ve let them spearhead a lot of the process, and I think everything, in general, has been projecting a more unique vibe.

C: I think a very specific fun thing was our collaboration with the student-run cafés on campus. I feel like that really gets people feeling like they’re involved— that they’re not just buying a ticket but that there’s also an immersive element to the show on campus.

I guess one of the main challenges has been trying to bring out the best in the space so that we can maximize the experience for everyone. We have messed with the overall configuration a lot— we want to make sure that everyone has a good view, especially the front row section. We want to make sure that everyone is getting their money’s worth and is able to have the best experience at the show. We’re pretty happy with where we landed.

W: I think a really fun thing so far in the process has been seeing the designs in photos and in person as we start leading up to the show. In the fall I was studying abroad in Paris, so I actually wasn’t able to see the designers during the interview and recruiting process in-person. But obviously, I was able to meet and work with them in the winter and spring, and it’s been really cool to see all of these designs come together because, frankly, the designers this year are extremely talented. They all come from different backgrounds— some have never sewed, some are seasoned veterans— so that’s the really fun part for me.

I could be wrong, but from what I’ve seen so far I can also see there’s a lot of movement in the pieces, so that will be interesting to see translated to the runway in relation to the theme as well.

Audio-visual by William Hu

W: Yes, for sure. I guess a little teaser or sneak peek is that some designers who are majoring in Visual Arts or Media Arts and Design are using this as an extension of their practice. Some of them are doing innovative things like crocheting pieces to go on top of other elements of their looks, some are painting over it, some have a very flowy approach to silhouette, and some have a more structured approach. There’s a little bit of everything.

J: To piggyback off of that, something that I think is really cool about MODA and the fashion show is that designers are not constrained by a season, or designing for a specific purpose. You have an almost unbridled freedom to design something that you really want to, so people end up producing a very wide range of looks. From a viewer’s standpoint, you’re able to see a lot instead of a flat, one-dimensional collection.

Are there surprises that guests can look forward to? Is there anything you can reveal?

C: Each year we have UChicago Maya and Ex Crew perform, so we are really looking forward to that performance. Every year is new, so it’s really fun to see what they come up with.

J: Yes! There are also going to be some student-made projects displayed at the show, as well as some sponsor-related materials.

Can you elaborate on some of the student-made projects?

J: Can I say it? One of them is a project by a student named Otis Gordon who created Checkpoint. We will have a Checkpoint station at the show. It’s basically… well, I don’t want to misspeak so I guess you’ll have to find out. But the concept involves taking pictures of guests and gives you a memento or souvenir from the show.

sneak peek of venue!

What are you guys most looking forward to at the show?

W: I’ve been in MODA since freshman year— I’m a third year now. So, I think out of all of the years I have been involved, this venue is the best one by far. There’s a lot of art, the acoustics are going to be great— I’m a little biased but I think the music is going to be really good. I’m looking forward to it.

C: Yes, shoutout to Will! The music is going to be great. I feel like it really brings together the connection between the designs that people came up with and the music to create a cohesive experience. There’s a lot of thought that went into it, so it’s not just random. Also, the venue itself, the art gallery, is also a flower. Are we allowed to say? Yeah, it’s a flower exhibit so it really ties together with our theme as well.

Visuals by William Hu, Music “IUDICIUM” by Passing Currents

J: I’m just excited for the show to actually start and happen— it’s not going to be the same as rehearsals, so I’m looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. It’s always different with all the guests there, it totally changes the atmosphere. I also am excited because I think that everything this year has been really thoughtful and we have put a lot of consideration into all of the minute details and have worked more closely with design to create the show.

W: And to kind of follow up on that, Parth, the Junior Design Director, and I have worked really hard to work more one-on-one with the designers more hands-on. For example, in the past couple of weekends, we’ve had the designers at our place from 7:30 am to 1 pm to just help them out as much as we could, design-wise. I think this year the looks themselves will be a lot more polished— there’s going to be super sharp tailoring, a lot of very interesting visual elements, and I think overall each collection is super cohesive.

Any other comments for our readers?

J: Buy tickets!

C: Yes, buy tickets fast!

W: It’s going to be the best thing all year.

Will do! Thanks for sitting down with us!

Come see all of this come to fruition at MODA Bloom, happening on Friday, May 3rd! Doors open for all guests at 6 pm and close at 6:45 (no exceptions)!

Buy your tickets here— hurry, they’re selling out fast! We look forward to seeing you there!

Forever Young: Our thoughts on youth and growing up

It seems that universally, youth is held as this fragile thing; we fear its loss and feel pressured to make it count. But, why is it that within the human experience, our “prime” has been reduced to a predetermined period in our lives? In reality “youth,” in the way we’ve conceptualized it, only makes up such a small, borderline insignificant part of the lived experience. Think about it: your late teens to late 20s (18-29) only comprise about 10 percent of your lifetime (if you’re lucky enough to live till you’re 100). Reconciling with the fact that our time is quickly running out, three of us MODA Digital writers have decided to come together and reflect on the concept of youth, vulnerability, and our own experiences growing up.

Oh… and we have these super cool photos from this past Halloween that we forgot to share… oops (our bad). So, since this is low-key a ~spooky~ topic, we thought it would be fitting to include them here.

We hope you enjoy :) !

Sincerely,

Riya, Maryam, & Liz

Ruminations on Maturity

I have always been reluctant to call myself mature. That isn’t to say that I think I am immature; in my head, maturity was (is) something stagnant and distant— something achievable. Like a milestone, representing peak wisdom. I think that I always thought that one day I would wake up and just know that this was it. This is “maturity”. Whatever that means.

In a very meta way, this refrain from admitting my own level of “grown-up-ness” was something I used (use) to make myself feel mature. Somehow, to me admitting my immaturity was mature in and of itself; I was acknowledging that transition was inevitable and imminent, and that I would continue to gain knowledge about the world throughout the rest of my lifetime. That I had not yet peaked in my understanding and perspective of the world, and would continue to grow— and that I was absolutely not naive to that fact. I was self-aware. But in reality, it was (is) just a method of protection: from independence, from societal expectations, from change. From the responsibilities that accompany maturity.

(october 31, 2008)

Maturity is, according to Merriam-Webster, “as in adulthood”. Synonymous to: adulthood, adultness, prime. Adulthood is associated with big things– bills, a big-girl job, expectation, marriage, kids, property ownership, stocks, investments, maturity. This scares me. A lot. And, according to the societal timeline, the deadline to get my shit together, to reach adulthood, is coming up, and fast. Right now, there’s this immense pressure, both internally and externally, to not only set yourself up to be successful financially, emotionally, physcially, and socially, but to also “make the most” of this time while doing it. But at the very least, at this point there is an expectation of direction. But what does that even mean?

It’s so easy to fall into this cycle of attempting to temporally *catch up*. But what, or who, are we trying to catch up to? Everyone else? Who says we all have to move at the same pace? Is there really even a pace, or is there just an illusion of one created by a million people trying to move faster than each other all at the same time? I always used to think of college as this great period of experimentation, your “prime”, both academically and personally; this is the time to try new things, figure out what you’re passionate about. But once you’re here, it feels like tunnel vision is the only path to success, a singular, elusive blueprint that will lead you to maturity. You must be focused on your future from the beginning, don’t slow down because you’ll fall behind! Which, of course, isn’t true. But it feels like it. But it isn’t true. And because it isn’t true, that means that the pressure to abide by this path also isn’t true.

I guess my point is that it’s okay to slow down. There are no deadlines, there are no cut-offs for when you’re allowed to try something new, when you can part from the pre-charted path— it’s all made up anyways. And it’s also okay to acknowledge the change you’ve undergone, the growth you have experienced thus far. You (I) are a dynamic being, and you (I) should be present. Or, in other words, 

I am mature.

<3, Riya

Cold Coffee

I like to think I’ll be forever young.

I also like to think I’m invincible. 

Full of life. Full of energy. Full of ambition.

I don’t like to sleep.

I like to tell myself not to sleep because I’m running out of time.

Don’t go to sleep because you’re invincible.

I sleep for 4 hours.

Wake up.

Drink caffeine.

Day begins but

I’m tired.

I thought caffeine wasn’t temporary.

I thought it would last forever.

I thought I was invincible.

I thought I would be forever young.

I’m running out of time.

I take a nap.

Wake up.

Drink caffeine.

It’s 5pm and I’m still tired.

I thought caffeine wasn’t temporary.

I thought it would last forever.

I thought I was invincible.

I thought I would be forever young.

I’m running out of time.

I like to stay awake.

I like to tell myself not to sleep because I’m running out of time.

Stay awake because you’re invincible.

It’s 3am.

Typing.

Drink Caffeine.

The night is young but

I’m running out of time.

- Maryam

Some Luck for those 20-somethings

To a younger me, your twenties were freedom personified. Like a true idealist, adolescent Elizabeth believed that 20-something Elizabeth would be uninhibited by her parents, real-world systems, and silly social conventions (minus the ones she would benefit from of course). She would be likable— lovable even (she prayed and hoped as much). She would be the kind of girl you couldn’t help but stare at with twinkles in your eyes. She’d have the kind of career that allowed her to make a ridiculous, borderline impossible amount of money to fund her “soft life” while simultaneously being a crowned party princess. And for her, no effort would be required to romanticize life when it was all— everything she lived for— already romantic.

Well, that is all to say that Elizabeth is now freshly twenty. Six definably mediocre months in, to be exact! And though in some ways I guess she’s fulfilled a few of the things on that checklist, for the most part, in trying to make her twenties “worthwhile,” she’s faced more anxiety and disappointment than desired or initially anticipated.

i.e. we lost the original plot.

You see, what adolescent Elizabeth believed in was a fairytale version of her twenties. She was lulled into believing that her twenties were everything because, as a little girl who also thought little of herself, the autonomy that her twenties sold was the most precious thing she could ever fathom having.

But now, I am twenty and suddenly realizing that I am still not as unconquerable as I had hoped. My mental health is probably at its most fragile, and my body is soon to follow. Every day, I become more convinced that I’ll have Arthritis by age 30. Also, if I’m being honest, my childhood insecurities kind of just morphed into something far more insidious, wrapped #coquettecore style in pretty paper with a satin pink bow to tie.

Not to mention, my so-called “autonomy” is actively being stifled by the VERY REAL-world conventions and adult responsibilities that a younger me had so naively unconsidered. Realistically, it seems these next few years will be filled with a lot more confusion than romance and that the optimal yet tragically superficial lifestyle I had once visualized was simply a symptom of the ways we have all universally fetishized “youth” (and no, I’m not talking about the gross, creepy way).

Innocence and blameless irresponsibility are inherent to “youth” fetishization— and those perks are the most appealing for obvious reasons. Sure, we can talk about physical beauty and all that (which plays into it), but what I’m interested in and currently struggling with is the sudden loss of these two things. Twenty so far, though young, feels like an age that’s only hanging on to my “youth” by a thread, and my “innocence” is quickly expiring (if it has not already) as I slowly pile on responsibility.

I can no longer say, “I’m too young to know any better.” I was. I’m not now (I say this even though my prefrontal cortex hasn’t fully developed). I realize now that we’ve enveloped “youth” with a sort of haze, making clear as day all the “good” and exciting parts. Things like party culture, college, adventures, young love, physical attractiveness, and the list goes on. But, we’ve hidden all the chaotic and ugly parts, or maybe as we grow up, simply forget them. Yet, at twenty, I am being forced to face the world and all the havoc humanity has had on it, even while I may argue that I am not ready. What’s scarier is that I can only pick up the pieces and move forward when I, too, inevitably make mistakes along the way. Blamelessness out the window.

Of course, that may make me anxious sometimes and, in others, disappointed. But I keep trying to remind myself that what’s important is that the (my) world won’t end. It didn’t when I was 12 and much too naive, or 15 and ridden with raging hormones, or 17 and extremely indecisive and fucking clueless. Spoiler: I’m still like that. I’m just hoping it’ll work out somehow.

At twenty, full clarity, the biggest lesson I’m learning is to give my younger self a break because she really deserved one, and lord knows I still do now.

It would be disingenuous to say that I’m not petrified of growing up, so we can skip this round of the pretend game. Instead, I’ll end with this: these 20-somethings won’t at all be perfect, that’s true, but at least they will be mine to define, and that much I’m excited about (the rhyming was a little atrocious but you get the gist).

Wishing you & I the best of luck, always. <3

xoxo Liz

There you go, a few anecdotes to help get you through the next decade or so or at least to make you feel a little less alone.

Moral of the story: while you may feel a lot of pressure at this stage of life to “do it right” or minimize your future regret, remember that we’re all just trying to take it one day at a time. So, all you can do is try your best and have some fun while you’re at it!

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading— we truly appreciate you!

Yours,

Riya, Maryam, & Liz

Images courtesy of MODA Digital Team & our lovely friends.

A Love Letter to my Notes App and Bad Poetry II.

Hey again!

You probably didn’t think you’d hear from me so soon. However, in an unexpected turn of events, as it turns out, there’s more bad poetry to be shared.*Gasp* I know. But, since I did it once, I thought: why not continue this series with a little more of what’s been hiding in my notes app? Just as a disclaimer: thematically, this selection of poems may be slightly more depressing and of poorer quality than the last. Most, although also only written about a year ago, were conceived during what I like to refer to as my Lana sad girl era, and that was an interesting period to say the least. Despite that though, I hope you enjoy reading anyway. So without further ado, I present to you Bad Poetry Series II.

Ribbons

I liked to tie ribbons in my hair 

And sew them on my clothes.

I liked to use ribbons as necklaces

And decorative bows.

They always looked pretty.

And made me feel neat.

Until you took my ribbons.

You LIAR!

You CHEAT!

You took my ribbons and you stained them red.

You took my ribbons and tied my hands instead.

You took my ribbons and made them shackles for my feet.

You took my ribbons breaking me down with each beat.

My ribbons I never offered!

My ribbons I never shared!

Still, you took my ribbons. 

How little you cared?!

And the last of those untainted you kept,

refusing to let go.

You took my favorite things in the world and made them something [I] owed.

The Monster Underneath My Bed

The monster underneath my bed is a woman who's spent her whole existence begging to be loved by people who’d rather she be dead. She isn't demented, in fact, I fear she's sane. Especially when you account for the number of times she's been mercilessly degraded and ironically rendered “inhumane.” Yet, she’s by far the most humane monster I have ever met. Not that I’ve met many. Except I know that when it comes to fangs and beady eyes, she’s got too little to display any. Though, she does cry a lot. To be honest I think she may be a little depressed. But, I would be too if I was called a monster when I’m relatively monster-less.

Pretty.

Being told you are “pretty” for the first time is as though someone has seen something in you that you never thought attainable. It’s this magical moment where you can’t help but be still and bright-eyed.

How insignificant you are and yet the sun has chosen to make you its centerpiece.

Suddenly, somehow lots of somebodies start to see that something in you too. Centering you just as the sun did. 

You then hear that word “pretty” so often it begins to wither. Overused and oversaturated, it slowly loses its value to you.

“Pretty” it seems never meant you were the sun’s favorite.

Until once more you hear someone use it to describe you. The one you yourself have decidedly centered. “Pretty.” It slips from their lips like sunshine through the corner of your bedroom window. There it is. The glow comes back and once again it feels like it did the first time. Flutters and all.

How is it that all those somebodies seemingly shadow when compared to that [sun] one.

“Pretty” s[he] says.

Oh how lovely it sounds in that tone.

Pie to the face

I took a pie to the face the day I allowed your smile and corny banter to swoon me. Sway any negative opinions I’d had about— shit I forget— I guess I just like to think that there was something wrong to take note of the day that we met. But there simply wasn’t. Not then and not now. How pathetic of me to try to make you out to be less perfect than you are somehow. Instead, I should have the courage to stand and admit: “ I am an idiot for being infatuated with someone who just can’t commit.” Not to me. This I know. *Cue the laugh track* but hold off on the clown makeup— that’s as much pride as I’m willing to forgo. The truth is I still wonder what it might have been like if there were no feelings to resist. Urges to repel and deny every time I was situated in your midst. But alas it’s unattainable… all of it.. whatever I thought “it” could be. You are unattainable and that was clear at first but clearly not enough for me. So I’m taking a pie to face no protests or counteracts in place. A jester there to boo, chuck tomatoes at, and wholly debase.

Loss.

You would leave me if you could. You would. You just don’t know how.

Comfort.

My father hugs. Always with a pat on the back.

“It’s a comfort thing,” he says. 

It's the kind of comfort I hope to feel for a lifetime and several more afterward.

Part III? Actually, I’m not sure how much terrible writing I have left in the archives. However, considering how fun this was, I might just have to get back into it.

The Mysterious Lana Del Rey

Who is Lana Del Rey?

On the surface, she appears to be an American indie artist who sings about drugs, fast cars, and despicable men. Yet, dig deeper into her lyrics, melodies, and music videos, and you’ll discover the layers of complex qualities that shroud her artistic persona and foreground her mystery.

Before Lana Del Rey was created, there was Elizabeth Grant, the daughter of an upper-middle-class family in New York. At age fourteen, Del Rey was sent to boarding school to deal with an alcohol dependency problem. In college, however, she began studying metaphysics philosophy and singing in sultry New York bars under the pseudonym May Jailer. After striking her first deal with a record label, Del Rey released a three-song EP under the name Lizzy Grant. When the EP underperformed, she became aware that her contract was doing little for her career and in 2010, broke it off and moved to London. 

An Image that Sells

In 2011, under the name Lana Del Rey, she released a homemade music video entitled Video Games. This new persona launched her career into stardom as her unique & intimate sound resonated immensely with the public. In the subsequent years, Del Rey faced criticism for this sudden change as followers felt it was manufactured and ingenuine. 

While Lizzie Grant and Lana Del Rey are/were marketed as different people with different sounds, they boil down to one individual who sings about the same or at least similar subject matter. Lizzie Grant's song, “Kill Kill,” for example, talks about being in love with a dying man, while Del Rey's songs center around themes of mortality and wishing for things she cannot have.

In my opinion, this rebranding surged from a need to survive in the music industry and to resonate with the public, which pressured her to present herself in a new way. 

Lana Del Rey’s current image marries fashionable 60s and 70s aesthetics. Her hair is darker and higher, and she wears a signature heavy black eyeliner— this vintage look is used as a portal to old Hollywood glamor that her songs romanticize. Many have also compared her outer image and music’s subject matter to the life of Priscilla Presley. The song, “National Anthem,” for instance, feels like it took a page straight from Pricilla's life. At only fourteen, Priscilla met twenty-four-year-old Elvis, whom she married at twenty-one. After, she was quickly swept up in the life of the rock star and made a princess to The King. Having later moved into Elvis' Graceland estate, she became trapped with no life of her own (more in her book Elvis and Me or the movie Pricilla).

Image via

Her Music

Through her Americana reimagining in ballads or trip-hop, Del Rey explores dark aspects of relationships and a yearning for the mundane. Her lyricism explores what it feels like to get swept up in chaos (listen to “Summertime Sadness”) that often stems from toxic relationships & substance abuse (listen to “Dealer,” “Off to the Races,” “Lolita,” “Ultraviolence”). Through her writing and hauntingly beautiful acoustics, she unpacks the roller coaster of emotions that have left her broken (listen to “Black Bathing Suit,” “Get Free,” “Norman Fucking Rockwell”).

Once having dug herself into this feeling of melancholy, Del Rey pines for simpler times. These times are often associated with small-town white American life (listen to “Tulsa Jesus Freak “or “Yosemite”) and partaking in ordinary tasks like playing video games or going to the market (listen to “Video Games “or “Chemtrails over the Country Club”).

My friend Abbie once said she wouldn't be surprised if Lana sang about a Waffle House in Alabama, given that she’s sung about meeting her boyfriend by a taco truck (listen to “Taco Truck x VB”). I agree.

Ultimately, the image of Lana Del Rey is that of a woman scorned by life’s chaos but learns to rise above the madness and make her way within it. In the end, Del Rey is addicted to danger and madness and will return to them time and time again (listen to “West Coast”, “Wild At Heart,” “Fuck It Love You”).

Her Controversies

This wouldn't be a full Lana Del Rey analysis if I didn't mention the controversies her persona has encountered. On top of her rebranding criticisms, Del Rey has been criticized for romanticizing a white America that never existed and appropriating Latino and Native American culture. Her album Norman Fucking Rockwell alludes to the 60's painter Norman Rockwell, who significantly contributed to the creation of an “ideal” white small-town America through image. Additionally, in her music video for “Ride,” Del Rey wore a feathered headdress, and in the song “West Coast,” she explicitly claims to be Cuban when in reality she's of Scottish descent. 

Lana Del Rey has attempted to be many things, leaving her persona bound by some level of mystery. This may accentuate the appeal of her music for some, yet for others, it might only fuel confusion and distaste.

REVIEW: WINTER FREEZE 2023

As an arctic blast plunged the U.S. Northeast into record low temperatures, the University of Chicago’s Major Activities Board (MAB) put on its first in-person winter event since 2019. Winter Freeze brought three Chicago-based DJs to The Promontory on 53rd Street to give UChicago students a taste of the city’s techno lifelines.

MAB is known for putting on some of the University’s most sought-out shows, so it is no surprise that leading up to Winter Freeze tickets quickly sold out. The draw of seeing some of the “groundbreaking, luminous pillars of Chicago’s queer community, rave scene, and club scene” in your own neighborhood absent of clubs is alluring. Of course, the group of students drawn to queer, DJ sets is not necessarily the same ones drawn to MAB’s keynote Summer Breeze, and my expectations were generally met seeing a wide range of the LGBTQ+ student body making a home of the Promontory. At their best, clubs are key spaces for community building. Winter Freeze should take its place as a signature event for UChicago students moving forward.   

On the note of those in attendance, I must say the only real downside to this event was that there were not enough bodies to fill the space. It seems that there were around 200 tickets available, on top of the MAB staff attending. However, at its most packed, it is hard to believe that the venue was ever more than 75% capacity. A key tenant for clubs is to facilitate spaces where people can lose themselves in a collective. It is hard to let go when there isn’t a big crowd to immerse yourself in. I don’t really see the light crowd as a fault of the event: great lineup, fair venue location, free pizza—what else could draw a college crowd? 

For a University-sponsored event, The Promontory was a solid choice as a venue. It provides students access to a venue not often tapped for other UChicago events. The space holds enough seating options without drawing people away from the dance floor. There is also a great lighting setup. The disco ball's rainbow-bubble reflections were a delight to watch throughout the night. While it would have been nice to have the bar’s full menu available, the drink selection was fair and enabled a more accurate club atmosphere for the night.

In any case, Sydfalls, Miss Twink USA, and Ariel Zetina still put on a great show. SydFalls had the challenge of loosening up the crowd, and they met it head-on with a lively set that leaned into the hypnotic beats of the genre. Miss Twink USA’s love for electronic flourishes was quite notable throughout their hour set — their energy backed by their bright cyan outfit. Luckily for Ariel Zetina’s hour, the crowd was at its liveliest and full. I must specifically compliment Ariel for her suave tempo switches. There was a strong sense by the end of the night that the event could’ve stretched beyond midnight. Hopefully, those in attendance are drawn to the incredible spaces these DJs play all throughout the winter.

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Images are my own. Thank you to the Major Activities Board (MAB) for inviting MODA Blog to attend.

Your Guide to Chicago Restaurant Week 2023

Chicago Restaurant Week is finally here, and if you are a bit confused by how it works, let me be your guide.

First, to give some context for the newbies: there are three different price points - $25 for lunch or brunch, and $42 or $59 for dinner. Depending on the quality of the restaurant, these prices will change. For each price, there is a set menu that often includes an appetizer, main course, and dessert. Some restaurants will even substitute the dessert for drinks, but typically beverages are not included.

The event runs from January 20th through February 5th. There are over 350 restaurants participating; check out the list here! The Choose Chicago website even makes a note of which restaurants are minority-owned and women-owned.

Now, some tips for choosing the best place to get a bang for your buck. Number one: always look at the menu before booking. When I choose a restaurant any other week, I will typically go off the cuisine, reviews, and ambiance. For restaurant week, however, I make sure I look at the menu in detail. Since there is a fixed menu with limited options, I may find that even if I like Italian food, I won’t actually like the two types of pastas they’ve placed on the menu.

Along with that point, decide how much diversity of choice matters to you: do you want to be able to choose from a selection of different appetizers, or do you want your choice to be limited so that you’re not overwhelmed? After all, you are only allowed to pick one plate from each course.

Vodka Rigatoni

From Trivoli Tavern

Additionally, if there’s a place you’ve been dying to try, this is your time! I recommend going for lunches because they are cheaper and still offer a good representation of the restaurant’s food.

Most importantly, however, is the comparison of the deal to the restaurant’s typical pricing (their a la carte menu). For example, Bar Esmé’s Wagyu is typically $76 but you can eat that, a soup, and an appetizer all for $59. Talk about a steal! Aba also has a great deal for both brunch and dinner, where you can get a two or three-course meal plus a drink. Cabra and Avec West Loop have five-course dinners, and Avec also includes a wine pairing for an extra $22 a person. If you want to learn more about which restaurants are an actual deal, a Reddit User made a spreadsheet to calculate which restaurants are a “Money Saver,” a “Breakeven,” and a “Losing Money” based on such prices.

Jiaozi

From Duck Duck Goat

I had a chance to get some insight from people who have experienced the start of CRW. Hailey Klinger ’23 attended Trivoli Tavern, where she felt she got a great deal for $59 since their appetizer portions were much larger than she expected. She recommends the vodka rigatoni, as it “was delicious and garlicky, and had all the right flavors.” She also enjoyed the dessert, which was a strawberry shortcake with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, meringue, and some strawberries. Although it was simple, it was “a nice way to end after such a filling meal.” Duck Duck Goat has been hailed across the food world for having a phenomenal restaurant week menu this year, which Klinger confirmed. Since it was six courses, it “gave you a variety of flavors to try.” Plus, they feature a regular menu and a vegetarian menu so as to not exclude anyone from the experience. She recommends the beef and broccoli, the jaozi potstickers, and the green beans.

Yellowtail Sashimi and Crispy Spicy Tuna Maki

From Roka Akor

Erin Cesmeli ’24 attended Roka Akor for the first time in anticipation. She had heard many good things from friends but was unfortunately let down by the entrée, the wagyu sirloin. She explains that she “wasn’t a fan of the texture and the chewiness of the meat.” Her chocolate cake also came out lukewarm instead of hot which she was disappointed by. Yet, she enjoyed the first course, the yellowtail sashimi and wagyu kimchi dumplings, as well as her friend’s dessert, Ube pot de Crème. “Overall,” she says, “[it was a] good restaurant, but slightly overhyped and overrated. Based on the price point of the individual items on the a la carte menu, I’d say it was a good deal even though the steak was a major letdown.”

Turkey Burger and Wrightwood Salad

From Remington’s

Personally, I enjoyed lunch at Remington’s for $25. The food was incredibly filling and tasty. I had the tuna poke, the turkey burger, and the Nutella brownie. I enjoyed everything, and would return to eat their award-winning mac-n-cheese or for their happy hour. I would certainly list this as a “money saver” based on the a la carte prices.

CRW goes by fast, so make your reservations and have fun!

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Cover image via

Mama I wanna be a Rockstar

My mom likes to tell me that she took me to Lollapalooza when I was in the womb. Unfortunately, I don’t believe her because according to the Internet, there was no Lollapalooza in 2002. However, it’s confirmed that she took me to see Lenny Kravitz when I was an infant.

Lenny Kravitz on tour, 2002. Image via Flickr.

I don’t think I realized that I was surrounded by the influence of rock legends as I was growing up. I don’t even remember my parents ever playing music in front of me. But I remember talk of names I didn’t recognize when I was a child, Prince, Freddie Mercury, Slash, Eddie Vedder…

Even if they didn’t play music, in the grocery store, a restaurant, or a coffee shop, my mom would burst out singing when she heard Guns N’ Roses or ACDC, throwing her hands in the air and dancing just enough to make me embarrassed and beg her to stop.

But I can already feel myself becoming that way. And now I love it when she does that. So when I do think about it, maybe rock music was there for me before I even realized it.

Entering elementary school, I thought that music my mom would sing and dance to was too loud. A little angry for my six-year-old taste. All I wanted to do was sit in the backseat of my babysitter’s gray Mazda and listen to Y100, the local pop and top hits radio station. I would run my fingers back and forth on the cloth that lined the car, let the feeling of the car baking in the sun all day warm my skin, and I would secretly kick my feet to the beat and memorize the lyrics in my head. That’s when I began to know I loved music.

The iPod in question. Image via eBay.

Then I happened upon a precious object that fueled the love that was born through the car radio. An iPod. An iPod nano second generation to be exact. An electric blue color. My older sister’s passed down to me. This is where the ear damage began, playing Britney Spears’s Blackout and Rihanna’s Good Girl Gone Bad at full volume through my pink earbuds. I downloaded my own additions (High School Musical Soundtrack) using my iTunes giftcard.

However, there were a few songs of my sister’s on the iPod that unnerved me and I always skipped them on shuffle. They were …different than what I was used to. I had a distaste for the bass riffs of the Plain White T’s and the grimy vocals of the Arctic Monkeys Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not. But something began to make me stop and listen. Perhaps it was Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” that was the turning point.

Heart’s Little Queen album. Image via Wikipedia.

I got older. About 9. I was still on my pop music wave, though I liked to watch my sister play on Guitar Hero on the weekends. Like my mom’s music, it hurt my hears sometimes. As she hit every note on expert mode, I began to be hypnotized by the shreds of a genre of songs I had ignored until that point. Even when she put down the Wii remote and stopped playing, Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar and Barracuda by Heart rang in my head, and I sang along (the guitar solos too).

Today, I turned out the way you would imagine the child of an 80’s hard rock mom would turn out. I wear all black (and often leather) just like her. I wear tall shoes just like her. I scream to my favorite songs just like her. I play electric guitar like she probably wanted to.

And I always feel proud when one of her favorite songs comes on and I sing all the lyrics and she remarks “how do you know this?? I loved this song when I was your age.” And then we’ll dance to No More Tears together.

Featured image via Vogue.

Concert Review: Out of Order

To round out my concert-going escapade of fall quarter 2022, the Saturday after finals week, I saw Dominic Fike’s Out of Order tour live at Radius. Whether you know him from his role of Elliot on HBO’s Euphoria or have been listening to him since his SoundCloud days, Fike’s music is an indie-pop lover’s gold mine, falling under the same genre and general vibe as Brockhampton’s Kevin Abstract (explaining their past collaborations) - a combination of soft rock and hip hop resulting in catchy, memorable melodies. One of his most famous songs is 3 Nights, which charted top 10 in multiple countries upon its release. My personal favorites of his are Acai Bowl, which has a very special place in my early high school self’s heart, and Wurli.

I want to preface this entire article by making it clear that this was not a typical concert-bound outing of mine: both the plan and the execution of the aforementioned plan were very chaotic and disorganized, and we ended up missing the entire opener while we were in the merch line. This is not to mention that the lighting at the venue altered the appearance of colors of said merch, and I didn’t realize my black hoodie was actually green until I left. Nevertheless, the venue, which I hadn’t heard of until this show, was actually really cool – it was all standing room, the entire space spanning across one level. It was broken up into a bar, a food area, a merch table, and the stage by tall dividing walls. The whole thing was blackboxed, with lighting coming from pink and orange LEDs on the ceilings. Based on the “coming soon” advertisements and the general feel of the area, this venue is typically home of electronic music/hyperpop and metal, the perfect set up for gigantic mosh pits. 

From what we heard of the opener, they were a hard rock/metal band that were successful in hyping up the crowd (we heard much screaming, presumably of enjoyment, from the merch line). Unfortunately I have no idea who they were. To be honest, we didn’t even know there was going to be an opener until we got there. There is nothing on the Internet about an opener, and I can’t seem to find any information on them (there is a possibility I am just bad at the Internet), but they were good. The genre wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, but I enjoyed listening from afar nonetheless.

Fike appeared on stage not so long after. The setlist is as follows:

Setlist:

1. Westcoast Collective 10. Come Here

2. Double Negative 11. She Wants My Money

3. The Kiss of Venus 12. Superstar Sh*t

4. Joe Blazey 13. Florida

5. 3 Nights 14. (Unreleased Song)

6. Rollerblades 15. Wurli

7. Acai Bowl 16. Vampire

8. Politics & Violence 17. Babydoll

9. Batshit 18. Why

Encore:

19. Phone Numbers

Fike’s voice was much better than I anticipated live– aside from being a fabulous performer, both his guitar and vocal performances were clear, interesting, and entertaining. His chemistry with the band was impeccable, and he bantered with the audience quite a bit, cracking jokes and providing personal anecdotes when it fit the natural flow of response from the audience. 

Image via

Fike sang variations for virtually all of his songs. This may be an unpopular opinion, but while I appreciate the artistry that goes into remakes and melodic variations, I do wish that he had kept a song or two the same as the recorded version; in my opinion, concerts are equally about an artist’s performance, as well as the audience’s ability to recognize and sing along (or simply enjoy) a song that they recognize and love. There were several songs I didn’t recognize until about halfway through because of these variations, which is fine if this was true for a handful of songs– but this was true for almost the entire setlist. Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed Fike’s performance, and I would recommend it for anyone who likes his music, or simply enjoys live music in general. He is definitely one of those artists who can capture your attention regardless of your familiarity. 

Aside from the merch mishap and the poor time management on my own part, I would give my experience a 10/10.

What I learned from Superman

Originally, I directed this piece to be an ode to Eid Al-Fitr of the Spring Quarter, to be published as a celebration of Muslim identity and beauty. 

Today, instead, I want to write about Superman.

Originally from the planet Krypton, Clark Kent spent most of his life hiding his alien origin and superpowers. Clark Kent fabricated his identity obscuring his true background.

Like Superman, for years I adopted the name “Mary”, pretended my parents were born in South Carolina, and ironed my curly hair to black strings. Growing up in the South, immigrants from Middle Eastern and Muslim cultures are openly ostracized from mass media and shamed for being villains and aliens to the US. I traded traditional clothing for Simply Southern t-shirts, ignored my mother’s attempts to teach me Arabic, and morphed into the identity of “Mary” I created.

“All I wanted was to be Mary from Greenville, South Carolina.
”

Yet, no matter how much money wasted, how many tears shed, how much time lost, I was never truly “Mary”. 

And in reality, I can never be “Mary”.

And honestly, I never needed to be “Mary”.

As my love for the idea of “Mary” grew stronger, my resentment for “Maryam” followed. There was no escape, every small detail resurrected the remnants of Maryam I learned to hate.

Substitute teachers still called me Maryam on the roll, and the strangers in grocery stores still asked me, “Where are you really from?”, but

I believe Clark Kent teaches us all a lesson.

At his core, Clark Kent wants to reconnect with his roots, the same dilemma children of Muslim and Middle Eastern immigrants can relate to. With time, Superman and I grew to love our identity; he showcased his family crest worn at his old home, I learned to honor who I am and where I come from.

My name is Maryam Abdallah Shariff Al-Alawiy (مريم عبدالله شريف العلوي) and I will never be “Mary” again.

Photographer and Editor - AJ Gleason (link to her Instagram!)

Creative Director/Writer - Maryam Shariff

Modeled by Ameera Abu-Khalil, Aminah Ghanem, Noor Mryan, Maimouna Abdulmumin, Shaherzad Chawdree, Maryam Shariff

All clothing provided by the models themselves.

Concert Review: Waiting to Spill

I think we all know, or have heard, the wonderfully perfect tune that is Kilby Girl by the Utah-originating band, the Backseat Lovers, whether it was from TikTok or from simply frequenting the indie/alternative rock genre. From their 2019 release When We Were Friends, this song is by far their most streamed, totaling in over 189 million streams to date. 

I hate to be that person, but I have been listening to the Backseat Lovers since before the release of this album, and Kilby Girl (among others, of course) quickly became one of my most played in 2019 once the album dropped. So, when my friend told me they were playing the Riviera, I immediately said yes. Similar to my experience when Noah Kahan the week before, I wasn’t quite familiar with their new music– I was mostly going for the encore songs, amongst which Pool House, Maple Syrup, and of course, Kilby Girl, were promised. Unlike Kahan, however, I was not super impressed with their latest release from October of this year, Waiting to Spill. The album does have some gems, like Close Your Eyes, Growing/Dying, and Slowing Down; however, it struck me as one of those releases where all the songs kind of blend together, which starkly contrasts my impressions of their previous releases. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it made it hard for me to really get to know the songs individually by just shuffling the album.

The opener of the concert was the band Bendigo Fletcher. I had never heard of them prior, but I was pleasantly surprised both with how much I enjoyed their set (although we did only catch the last couple of songs), and their personalities; they put on a good show, that’s for sure. My favorite from their set was definitely Wonderfully Bizarre, and I will say they have successfully convinced me to give them more of a listen in the future.

The headliner setlist consisted of a full performance of Waiting to Spill in order (which is unique for a concert of this size, but a structure that I really enjoyed), followed by some of their more popular songs from both When We Were Friends and previous works.

SETLIST:

1. Silhouette 2. Close Your Eyes

3. Morning in the Aves 4. Growing/Dying

5. Words I Used 6. Snowbank Blues

7. Follow the Sound 8. Slowing Down

9. Know Your Name 10. Viciously Lonely

The Hits:

11. Pool House 12. Kilby Girl

13. Maple Syrup 14. Still A Friend

Encore:

15. Out of Tune 16. Sinking Ship

Image via

One thing that struck immediately was the set– it was extremely simple, the use of lighting the primary method to implement variety throughout the set. During the opening number, Silhouette, there were large floral decals decorating the stage, its delicacy contrasted by harsh red and orange lighting. Throughout the set, the lighting varied from warm reds to cool blues, depending on the song that was being played; between songs they went dark, which really heightened the dramatics of the lighting. 

Aside from the set design, the performers themselves, in their long, shaggy-haired glory, were also excellent. Whenever I go to a concert without knowing the setlist beginning to end, I am so much more aware of a performer’s ability to capture me in their performance. There was something about not being able to understand anything that they said (we were quite far from the stage, and also they had thick-ish accents and tended to mumble) and the way that they engaged with us and each other throughout the performance was very endearing.

This was the first concert of this genre that I have been to– I typically frequent indie or pop concerts, despite listening to other genres on my own just as frequently. One thing that I learned was that alternative rock concerts have the most fashion-forward attendees. I was giving out so many fit compliments, and looking around to see all of the fabulous styling just made the concert that much more enjoyable. I highly recommend.

Overall, I do not regret attending this concert– I went with some of my favorite people, so that definitely contributed to the enjoyment, but the performers and overall atmosphere were also excellent. If you like any sort of rock music, I highly recommend the Backseat Lovers (and Bendigo Fletcher for that matter, although their sound is softer)– and definitely worth the ticket the next time they come into town.

MONOCHROME MULTITUDES (Review)

Monochrome Multitudes at the Smart Museum of Art takes on the challenge of presenting largely abstract, monochromatic art to an ever-increasingly critical audience. Wide spaces are divided into thematic rooms of blue, white, yellow, gray, black, and red color schemes that delight the eye but demand a close reflection. Self-reflective, the exhibition also pairs pieces into groupings based on themes of the body, urban spaces, gender, and more. As you walk along, you are led to consider what the pieces share, or what cannot be shared even among mediums and colors.

The collection is the second of a three-part series the Smart calls “Expanding Narratives,” which aims to reevaluate exhibitions through fresh curatorial strategies. The Smart Museum calls on its presence within the University of Chicago to continually reimage how such a relationship can enrich new exhibits. In turn, University staff from across the divisions are the source for many of the lengthy exhibit labels for the 120 exhibited works. The reshifting of monochromatic narratives operates through this collaboration across disciplines and academic worlds.

Whether it's William Turnbull’s “Mango” (1963) or Josef Albers’s 1972 “Formulation” series, Monochrome Multitudes’s simplicity poses a significant challenge for the exhibition. Christine Mehring–a University of Chicago art history professor and co-curator–is well aware that abstract, single-color art is the hardest for audiences to digest. In an interview with WTTW News, she notes, “It’s the type of art that many people will say, including my students, either ‘I can do this’ or ‘Why is this art?’”

Nevertheless, Monochrome Multitudes groupings of pieces pull together a stunning exhibition that asks the eye to engage with it beyond appearances. Past Smart exhibitions have lent themselves to being Instagram-post fodder, but this collection's subdued spirit demands a sustained focus on the work–for better or worse for visitors. The conscious spotlighting of queerness, emotion, and shifting modes of representation hits quite well within monochromatic rooms.

To mount its complexity, the exhibition features incredible textile work featuring weaving, sculptures, and clothing. Claire Zeisler’s work with wool in Triptych welcomes you to the exhibition, and Magdalena Abakanowicz’s “Structure Black” is one of the most unnerving and beautiful pieces I have ever experienced. Materiality is further explored through David Hartt’s photography of concrete or Lotte Jacobi’s glass. Finally, I couldn’t talk about this exhibition without the incredible monochromatic Chicago homes project of Amanda Williams.

Regardless of the depth of materiality used, the way Monochrome Multitudes pairs its pieces together demonstrates that it is not interested in engaging with audience questions of whether any given piece is actually art. The late Ellsworth Kelly anxiously wondered, “‘Can I make a painting with just five panels of color in a row?’ I loved it, but I didn’t think the world would. They’d think, ‘It’s not enough.’” In response, each space of the Smart’s exhibition poignantly represents the ability of art to go beyond the single medium of color, even when all the viewer can see is a single color. It asks us all to refrain from demanding more, and instead let in the spectrum of history and color before us.

Monochrome Multitudes is at the Smart Museum through January 8, 2023.

All photography featured is by Felix Gonzalez.

Ukrainian Pop, Rap & Electro you will vibe to

Those who follow Eurovision probably know who was the winner of 2022 musical contest. It was Ukraine. Specifically, Kalush Orchestra with their song Stefania. Today, I want to introduce you to them, as well as many other bang-up modern artists from my home, Ukraine!

When asked what type of genres Ukrainian youth listens to, pop, rap, hip-hop, and dance (electronic) come to mind first. What do we usually sing about? Not money. Not b*tches. Not fame. It’s always something so simple and familiar, yet so complex and mystical. Oftentimes, it’s a bow to nature - we people work with land a lot. And have much greenery. It can be about the exploration of human love and attraction. It might also be stories based on memories, or the interplay between the known and the creative perception. So in one adjective, it’s cool.

Is this artistic outburst tied to the war? Unspeakably so. Even before, there was a fair number of Ukrainian creators exploring these subjects, but the war pushes almost everyone to express themselves creatively even more. What better way is there to let your emotions out?

So below, I am inviting you to a journey into the world of Ukrainian lyrical genius and musical aesthetics.

Rap & Pop

Stefania - the Eurovision winning song. Stefania is the lead vocalist’s mom’s name. The song is a call to appreciate a mother who, for some people, came to symbolize Ukraine during the war.

Jerry Heil’s songs are always extremely light, but the way she ties simple words together and turns them into fun, powerful, and rich lyrics is what makes her stand out.

Deeply melodic, light on the ears, the song turns a funny Ukrainian saying into a poetic self-reflection. By the way, I used to camp with the author back in high school, when we already knew she was gonna become a star:)

Electro & Rock

This artist takes a 19th century folk song into an electro club. The result?

Кольоровими фарбами is an ode to boundless possibilities to create art and “draw the world with colorful paints” while we are still alive.

Жальменіна - it’s as if this song is based on grandma’s memories of her love stories, very likely retold in her own archaic words. Very folk, very melodic, very electro.

Ocean Elzy - a top Ukrainian rock band which has been thriving since the 2000s. Attaching this song because you probably have come across it on TikTok, and I just want you to know what its origin is.

Phonks? Oh yeah, we got some, too.

For every song, I was more than tempted to add “BESTIES” or “LOVE THEM SO MUCH”, so leaving my love letter to each one here. The chosen list is just a crumble of a sweet pie of Ukrainian music, and I am strongly encouraging you to explore more or reach out to me for some recommendations!

Did you know? Ukrainian was voted to be the 3rd most beautiful language in the world in the 20th century.

P.S. the cool cover pic of my article is by Julia Zhuk, a Ukrainian digital artist whose Instagram is attached. I told you - a nation of creators.

Concert Review: STICK SEASON

I originally went to this concert because my friend wanted company, and she was only going because Stephen Sanchez was supposed to be opening (spoiler alert: he did not end up opening). I had heard of Noah Kahan vaguely from TikTok– think the indie folk equivalent of Leith Ross, David Kushner, JVKE, etc. I hadn’t given much thought to him before, but it was cheap, an excuse for live music, and a way to get off campus on a Thursday, so I figured I would go with her. And I am SO glad that I did.

Noah Kahan’s debut album Stick Season was released on October 14th, 2022; less than a month before I was set to attend his concert. I’m the type of person to listen to an artists’ entire discography so I can confidently scream the lyrics right back at them, so this release date stressed me out– especially because I hadn’t realized he had released an entire album until about a week before I was going to see him live. Nevertheless, I persevered, allowing Kahan’s voice to unrelentingly blast through my headphones 24/7 for a week straight.

Upon first listen, I was floored. It appeared as though I had found the Lumineers equivalent I had searched so long and hard for– his lyrics are fantastic, and the amount of acoustic guitar (the entire album) is perfect. I was officially pumped for this concert.

The concert was at the Riviera Theater on the north side of Chicago. Kahan’s opener was Adam Melchor (if you recognize the name, it’s probably from his most popular 2018 release Real Estate). Melchor was fantastic, and I think the perfect opener for Kahan; they both love their riffs of all sorts, both acoustic and vocal. His set consisted of many tracks from his newest album, and concluded with a cover of Sufjan Stevens’ iconic Chicago. He was silly for that one.

Although Kahan’s entrance following this set was met by a slight disappointment by my friend (as he was most definitely not Stephen Sanchez), her sadness was quickly replaced by awe as Kahan jumped into his set.

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Stick Season is based on life in a small town in Vermont; not quite relatable to us as students in Chicago, but it does inspire the nostalgia and coziness that fall brings to us anyways. As someone from the southern California coast, the vibrant colors of the fall leaves are enough for me to imagine I’m walking through a rustic town in New England, rather than one of the most urban regions of the Midwest. Kahan’s set did exactly this; he brought the audience with him as he sang about the unfortunate combination of longing and excitement and sadness that comes with leaving where you’re from.

Kahan also opened up to the audience about his mental health struggles, talking about the difficulties that come with reaching out for help: in his song Growing Sideways, he talks about experiencing therapy for the first time since childhood, attending with the intent of actually working on himself for the first time with the lyrics:

“But I ignore things, and I move sideways

‘Til I forget what I felt in the first place”

Kahan’s band also had some recognizable names, most notably Noah in the Open, who was on acoustic guitar. Something I really appreciated about this concert was Kahan’s introductions of the band at the beginning of the set; I always hated how the drummer was just a drummer until the end of the show. You could tell that the band really loved what they were doing, and their interactions with one another were at times more entertaining than Kahan himself. 

I love indie-folk concerts because the fans are always respectful, enthusiastic, and filled with so much love for the artist. Never, in all of my concert-going endeavors, have I ever heard an audience sing so loud through the entire set that the artist was almost not needed at all; and I have been to the likes of Taylor Swift, The Lumineers, and many more much more prominent artists. There is something really special about “smaller” (Kahan now has 8 million monthly listeners on Spotify, but this can still be considered small in the grand scheme of things) artists and their fanbases. It truly is a community, and seeing the genuine love the audience members had for this artist was truly inspiring.

Ultimately, although I don’t know Kahan’s music like the back of my hand quite yet, I thoroughly enjoyed this concert experience. If you enjoy indie-folk music and have the time, I highly encourage you to give Stick Season a try.