Months ago, I received a very generous gift: the Apple AirPods Max, aka the “Silly Girl Headphones” (I mean known by only me and my friends, really). These over-the-ear adaptations of the AirPods boast their sleek look and top-tier noise cancellation, two things I have thoroughly enjoyed about my navy blue versions. But, ever since then I feel like my choice to don these metal earmuffs has cast me into a particular social category (a philosophy major once asked me “and what do those say about you?”).
Let’s unpack that.
Obviously, their biggest identifier is their price. They are NOT cheap, going for at least a hundred dollars more than their competitors at Sony and Bose. When I asked around for opinions on the matter, the responses were “they’re elitist” and “they represent class warfare!”
UChicago, we’re pretty unbearable, aren’t we?
Regardless of the tongue-in-cheek-ness of those responses, I think it’s obvious to us all that there are more budget-friendly ways to deliver sound to your ears. I get it. The price is laughable considering how many other audio options exist.
Next, like Adidas Samba and Mui Mui flats, these have been snatched by the manicured fingers of the influencing it-girls of today. Whether we like it or not, they’ve turned these headphones into a high-caliber accessory. Because of this, these headphones have more social value than others. Talk about commodity fetishism! And with capitalism comes critique—the other side of the coin that sees these as the epitome of economic excess. But, I won’t get too carried away with that.
“They don’t only use them, they wear them”
- Colin McNamara-Bordewick, class of ‘25
So, we’ve tackled their social conception. But what about their actual quality? Well, you could go find plenty of reviews by people who actually know what they’re talking about. Here, I present another review of the silliest headphones but this time from someone who hasn’t a clue about sound/audio mechanics. Humor me here, people.
Pros:
Sound cancellation O.M.G. These babies really remove you from reality. If you ever need a mystery-girl-in-the-movie moment these will provide it. Life is so romantic when you can’t hear all the sh*t! And even more, the transparency feature means you can switch between hearing people and not without taking them off. Though, you do look like an unfriendly goof talking to people with headphones on. Again, silly, silly headphones.
They are quite literally ear pillows. The padding is oh so luscious; I’ve even slept in them before. I know, what a silly thing to do.
Some people are off-put by how heavy they are, but I don’t notice it at all. Maybe I’m passively getting a really strong neck. So, you’ll get a silly, sexy neck with these.
Cons:
They’re pretty big. And as a fashion-over-function person, they take up half of my cute little backpack. You could just wear them around your neck, but I think that’s quite possibly the silliest thing you could do.
The pillowy, bed-topper-Esque covers do make your ears heat up a bit. Especially if worn at the gym, it’s like an inferno in there. Also with working out, the insulation they give to your face makes the sweat pour. So not only are you wearing silly headphones but you are also a silly, sweaty mess.
I am no audiophile, just a silly girl who happily enjoys the two metal boxes sitting over her ears. But as a good friend of mine often says: everything is funny and nothing matters. Silliness is something to be embraced.
Thus, I will continue to wear my headphones and will enjoy doing so. Are they worth the exorbitant price? Maybe not. Anyways, knowing the trends of today, sometime soon they'll be cast out of style with the flick of Bella Hadid’s bony finger. And don’t even get me started on the resurgence of corded earbuds. God help our consumerist generation.
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