Questions Indie Boys Will Ask and How to Properly Answer Them: Surviving Conversations With Art Students Without Conflict

May 13

May 13 Questions Indie Boys Will Ask and How to Properly Answer Them: Surviving Conversations With Art Students Without Conflict

We’ve all been there. You approach the cute indie-looking boy with the Timothée Chalamet-esque hair and thrifted sweater in your SOSC class. You think it is going well until he hits you with the most important question in the world: “What’s your favorite Tame Impala* song?”

*Interchangeable with: Brockhampton, Mac Demarco, The Smiths, The Beatles, Radiohead, The Strokes, Rex Orange County

Though I might seem critical and condescending, my ultimate goal is to offer some advice on how to confront these kinds of situations and come out of them alive. While I do not claim to be an expert on how to navigate the indie-alternative-e-boy mind, I can say that I’ve had plenty of experience in these realms. Think of this like preparing for a job interview… Maybe more of an internship, considering you are losing time, not getting paid, but doing it all under the guise that you are garnering some kind of valuable life experience. Whether your indie boy is into music, cinematography, books or philosophy, I’ve got you covered.

For starters, the first piece of advice that I have for you is: run.

And if you’re still reading, I am going to assume that you have not followed that first step. For all of you brave souls continuing on this journey, I will be providing you with some ways to immerse yourself deeply into the art student «vibes» and achieve exactly what you want out of the conversation.

1. Music. Beat them at their own race. Ask them for their spotify before they ask you for yours. They will either have perfectly curated playlists with cover pictures on them and titles written in French featuring songs like “Flaming Hot Cheetos” by Clairo and “SUGAR” by Brockhampton, or their recently listened to artists look like an experimental mess that they think nobody has heard of before; examples include: Death Grips, 100 gecs, The Garden, Bladee, Machine Girl and Aphex Twin.

What you want to do in this situation is stalk their Spotify and make sure you are in control of the music questions. You will now be in the position to ask them to name their top five Tame Impala* songs. Make sure to prove to them that they, in fact, are not the only person who has heard of Death Grips. As a cherry on top, make a comment about Laura Les of 100 gecs working in an empanada shop in Chicago. Take the reins. Win the race.

2. Movies: This one goes out to all of the A24 cinematography loving indies. Don’t be intimidated when he tells you that he watched Midsommar with his boys last summer while tripping on shrooms. Or when he adds that he had the greatest epiphany of his life during it. It’s really not that deep. You can calm your nerves when he relates Pulp Fiction to the philosopher you are discussing in said SOSC class, “You know, if you focus on the politics of Quentin Tarantino’s films, it’s just really refreshing, it’s quite philosophical, it’s like, oh never mind, you don’t know Descartes do you?” (Quote provided by my best friend and fellow indie-boy-connoisseur, Alexandra Fener).

This is your chance to flex your extensive knowledge on Tarantino or any A24 film. No pun intended, but the big takeaway here is to flip the script. Talk about how you used to get compared to Mia Wallace back in 2015 when you cut yourself Tumblr bangs in the middle of a breakdown. They will love that. Or, how you believe that Adam Sandler deserved an Oscar for his unprecedented performance in Uncut Gems. And finally, a perfect example for all of those UChicago soft boys, always remember that a commentary on how Wes Anderson’s films are not just brilliant because of their beauty, but because of the symmetry he presents in both the visual and metaphorical sense never hurts. Even when most of it makes no sense.

3. Lastly, know your philosophers: If you are going to be engaging in conversations with a UChicago mansplainer, there is a very big chance that they read Nietzsche before going to sleep while listening to Neutral Milk Hotel. You must be able to bullsh*t your way through this conversation so elegantly that so when he says “I feel very in tune to Nietzsche, our views seem to parallel each other in a profound way. You should really read his stuff,” you can hit him with how familiar you are with Niezsche’s works on ethics and metaphysics and how, by saying that “God is dead,” he was pointing out the way that science and politics have rendered the belief in God redundant, therefore ceasing to exist. However, as our idea of God did previously exist, the idea of her is now pronounced dead.

I hope that this article has served as an enlightening guide to demystifying the mind of a UChicago indie soft boy and that this information has brought you closer to achieving your goals; whether they be experiencing your own A24 coming-of-age love story, or presenting a convincing argument to shut up a mansplainer. Remember, at the heart of every indie soft boy, is someone who can’t recognize how nerdy it is to love Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and that’s how you win.